WHAT IS A SWINGER/LIFE STYLE GROUP?
Swinger groups aren't smaller versions of swing clubs, more personalized versions of the swinging community. As many tastes as there are sexually, the many types of swinging groups are reflecting those flavors. Most of these groups cater to those who have already tried the swinging lifestyle and enjoy it. Generally the groups are not for those just trying out the lifestyle to see if it fits or for temporary sexual thrills, but for those who know that this swinging life style is for them. Do your homework before trying anything, make sure that you have given serious thought to what you want and are looking for in the life style, more so for couples. Discuss with your partner how they feel, what they are looking for and want out of the life style. Honesty is the best policy if couples are going to enter into the swinging life style community and set ground rules that both abide by.
HOW DO YOU JOIN A LIFE STYLE GROUP?
If you have not attended a party yet, see first if you know anyone already in the swinging life style, ask them questions they can usually direct you to someone who hosts the life style parties and you can get more information from them about the when....the where...the how...the who...the cost. Hosts will try and give you the appropriate information, point you to other groups that you may want to join, give you a clearer understanding of what the life style entails, especially as to respect and privacy.
The internet is a good resource to check out websites of the swinging community, there will be many possibilities and you will be surprised how many may be in your local area. Check out the Bonobos Links page, we have provided what we think are some of the better websites for information, resources and or questions you may have, or see our Contact Us page for more information.
HOW DO YOU DRESS FOR A PARTY?
First, always dress comfortably. If you come in street clothes there is usually a place to change into more sexy clothing for the ladies and the men. Use your imagination, men are very visual and quite a few women. This is the place to wear that sexy lingerie you may not wear at home (enough) due to your kids, or the timing isn't right with work schedules, or for what ever reason/s. A party is a date with your significant other, (even if you are single) a special happening to look forward to, takes you out of the run-of-the-mill of your daily life. Enjoy the atmosphere, the camaraderie, and of course especially the fun sex.
WHAT ABOUT SAFE SEX?
Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) are a risk. This is why there will be supplies of condoms, latex gloves, even dental dams at all the parties. If you want, you can bring supplies of your own just in case. You can have sex without protection, but we advise that you DON'T, of course this is your choice. If you are only having sex with your partner then you can choose not to use protection. But, the reason you are at the party is to enjoy sex with other partners, so protection is a must. Showering before coming to a party is a must, and showering after each sexual encounter is also a good idea. Below are some good simple rules for safe sex at a swing parties:
Use condoms at all times
Change condoms between partners
NEVER pull a ‘switch-a-roo’... using the same condom on a different partner
NEVER do anal to vaginal sex with the same condom, this will cause the woman to get an infection
Use a Dental Dam, or seven Saran Wrap for oral and vaginal stimulation, or even cut a condom for the same purpose
Use a condom when giving head. There are flavored condoms for this purpose
Use latex gloves with a good lubricant for fingering and probing
WHAT IS SWINGER ETIQUETTE?
One of the things to note about the swinging life style is that almost everyone (of course there are always exceptions, which you don't want to be) relates to each other with understanding, thoughtfulness, and common courtesy. Every host has house/party rules and or party/rules of etiquette which must be followed so each and every person attending can an enjoy a comfortable, safe and memorable party consistently. Here are some general rules of etiquette to observe and follow:
Always Be Courteous…be aware that there may be insecurities, uncertainties and fears. Treat everyone with kindness, thoughtfulness, understanding and sensitivity…The Golden Rule.
Be Friendly…even if you are not interested in swinging with a particular person, be polite…you may in turn have someone not interested in swinging with you.
Respond to All Invitations Sent to You…reply…one of the most frustrating things for a host is people not responding….after all…they have gone thru some effort to create a sanctuary for people to enjoy themselves, meet, eat, and have pleasurable sex. Call, write, or e-mail if you are attending or not.
Never Arrive Empty Handed…especially at a party hosted in someone’s home, you can ask if there is anything that you need to bring. At hotel parties most often it is Bring Your Own Bottle…do so.
Come Prepared…many parties supply toothpaste, soap, towels condoms etc…but it never hurts to have these as a ‘just in case’.
CLEANLINESS…shower before coming to the party…put on clean clothes…no greater turn off than a smelly person.
Respect Others Feelings…not everyone is comfortable in all situations, some may be newbie’s, each swinger was a newbie at one time…here again The Golden Rule comes into play.
Don’t Be Pushy…a sacrosanct rule…NO…means NO….don’t ask Why…this makes everyone uncomfortable…and if you are saying No…you don’t need or want to come up with the reason or reasons why you don’t want to have sex with this person…be polite when refusing….and be polite and accepting when told No.
Do Only What is Fun For You and Enjoy Yourself…if you are uncomfortable with a situation or scenario…be polite…refuse…and remove yourself…a “No thank you” works wonders.
Alcohol or Drugs…alcohol is usually allowed at parties…but ‘drink responsibly’ is a must...and any drug of any sort, and this is mostly referring to illegal drugs are strictly forbidden.
Always Practice Safe Sex…see the rules above.
Call to Say Thanks…send a note, or e-mail…this makes the host/s feel good, gives them feed back and gives you credibility as a caring member of the life style community.
If You Are Hosting-Be A Good Host/s…if you are hosting at your home, make sure it’s clean, have clean sheets on the beds, have towels and wash clothes and other toiletries and condoms etc. needed. Show your guests throughout the house where the play rooms are, the meeting area, and where the food is, in the kitchen etc. For Hotel parties…basically the same applies, for both types of parties let your company know where there is parking, and what the rules and or rules of etiquette are and where they are posted.
Answering Ads…replies should be answered in two weeks even if it is a NO. A first letter or e-mail should include a brief description of yourself/yourselves, where you saw the ad, your ad number and your social and sexual interests. An SASE should be included with your original reply as many couples receive a large number of replies which can be costly.
WHAT'S A HOTEL PARTY vs. A HOUSE PARTY?
Hotel parties are where the couples are the main focus, swingers who go to hotel parties are there to have sex and not there to just watch. Quite often it is the wife that receives the important attention, she more than likely enjoys playing and so the hotel party is pretty much where the action is taking place. The hosting couple of the hotel parties may have a regular hotel or motel that they book and generally the same group of rooms to make it easy for couples attending from outside the city or town to get to where these parties are held. Couples that attend hotel parties generally enjoy the relaxed atmosphere, and friendliness of the people attending, quite often everyone gets to know each other because they may come regularly.
A house party is held at either the private residence of the hosting couple or a house that is rented on a regular basis for play parties. These parties are in residential neighborhoods and great care is taken by the hosting couple and the couples attending to maintain low profiles and disturb the neighbors as little as possible. If difficulties arise, it is usually due to the traffic generated by the attending couples, not wild and noisy parties.
Note: There are charges to attend these parties, usually to help defray the cost of room rentals, food, and setup. Some hosting couples or person may make a living from hosting these parties.
WHAT ABOUT SINGLE GUYS?
The problem is, that many couples in the swinging life style don't like having them there. Single men may present a demanding presence, numerically, and bring with them, not necessarily overtly, but an almost "when is it my turn" attitude or feeling, or they may in the couples eyes, be cheating on their wife or significant other. This makes a lot of couples uncomfortable. This is usually not a problem with single women attending hotel or house parties. There are some hotel parties and house parties that the hosts do allow single men to attend, make sure that you have spoken to the sponsoring couple or person and verified that single men and or single women can attend. If you are a single male make doubly sure that you are abiding by the party rules of etiquette, and not to give the impression of "pressuring" to have sex, if possible bring a lady companion this will free you (her and the other couples) up to enjoy the sex.
WHAT ABOUT CONFIDENTIALITY?
The swinging life style respects everyone's privacy. We do not gossip or spread or relate information about hosts, couples, or single people within the swinging life style community and especially not to the general public. When you meet someone or a couple that is in the life style community, especially if you have had sex with them, unless it is agreed upon by all parties, you do not recognize them or acknowledge them in any public place, work place, or any other situation that you may encounter. This protects them and protects you.